


Hidden sin

by EnderNiasha



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - Angels & Demons, Angst, Comedy, Fantasy, Love/Hate, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:21:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25269010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnderNiasha/pseuds/EnderNiasha
Summary: This guy... Is absolutely weird. Strange, unusual, uncanny, unnatural, what are the other synonyms?It's all started with his name.
Relationships: Original Male Character/Original Male Character
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not native English speaker, but I'm trying my best to make the text as clean as possible. It's also my first English work to face the audience. So don't be harsh on me, please.  
> Hope you'll enjoy!

This guy... Is absolutely weird. Strange, unusual, uncanny, unnatural, what are the other synonyms?   
It's all started with his name. 

Nuriel Benson. Nuriel is a name, Benson is a surname. Who in the right mind would call their child like that?   
He is new at our school and lucky enough to get in my class full of morons. Well, also it's the middle of the March and usually no one changes schools at this time. But wonders don't end there.   
Nuriel seemed like a typical American student. Rather calm and shy, a little bit self-enclosed, which is totally fine for a newcomer. And there was still something off. Nobody watched him that closely as I did.   
The way he grabbed his books and put into the bag, so airly and quickly; the way he tilted his head when somebody talked to him; that little, almost unnoticable smile; his gait was so light that it almost felt like his feet were not touching the ground.   
The way he spoke was unique as well. He didn't use a single slang word, like he doesn't even know them, the structure of the sentences were impressive. His tranquil voice would perfectly fit for singing lullabies.   
I've asked all of my classmates-friends what do they think about Nuriel and no one mentioned any of the things above. So I was the only one left to constantly make guesses and trying to find out what bothers me so much.   
His looks, last, but not the least, rose suspicions in me. Completely pale skin without single mole, wavy blonde, closer to white hair, covering his sky-blue eyes.   
He looked so fragile and tiny, which reminded me of the typical image of an _angel._  
Nuriel always disappears suddenly and faster than anybody else in the classroom, so in order to find something out I needed to follow his pace.   
Why do I feel like a stalker? Well, probably because I am one. Right now I'm following an innocent guy on his way home. I'm trying my best not to be found out. That might be the end of my stable average student reputation. But I'm not letting him off the hook. I _need_ to find out more about this guy.   
He stops near the bus stop, taking his school bag off, searching for something inside. I'm getting kinda nervous, because my plan can fail so miserably, considering luck and my wretched chasing skills.   
Nuriel finally continues his walk, but with earphones this times. That's what he was looking for. I exhale with reliev and get back to lurking.   
A guy turns to the left, leaving my sight and I hurry in hope to not to lose him. I kept distance, but seemingly not carefully enough.   
The moment I take the same turn, Nuriel greets me with inexplicable look, crossing arms on his chest.

—Oh! —I try to act surprisingly, scratching the back of the head and looking away. —Nuriel... Benson? I didn't know our routes home coincide. 

—I know, right? Because it's _not_ your route home and you've been following me, —accusingly utters Nuriel. 

—No, no! I've been neither stalking you nor following like some creep, no way, —by this careless expression it was hard to get what guy felt, but I could tell he revealed me. —Ugh, I'm sorry okay? I didn't mean anything rude. 

—Sure. Now stop chasing me and leave. 

Nuriel starts walking off, but I can't let him slip. 

—Wait! —I run forward and grab his shoulders, approaching rather near. —I... Uh, have something important to tell you. 

Startled guy narrows his eyebrows and waits for what I say. 

—I like you! You know, like you're handsome and seem like a decent person, so I uh... —I didn't process till the end what I was about to say. —So I felt like telling you.

Nuriel blinked for few times before bursting into laughter.   
I felt a blush slowly covering my cheeks. Did I really confess my non-existing feelings to a guy? To a guy? For real? 

—Gosh, I'm sorry for laughing, but I did _not_ expect that. 

—Yeah, me too... 

—Actually I'm not into guys so I'll turn you down. Don't be sad, you'll definetely find someone else to love. 

Wow. What's that feeling? Ah yes, a dissapointment. It always sucks when people reject you. Even if you didn't expect anything from them. 

—You're right. Sorry for bothering you.

Nuriel finally leaves as I stay and question my existence. Maybe all those things that I came up with were just my mind playing tricks? I really wanted to become some kind of a main hero in a fantastic world, who finds out that his classmate is a creature from another world? Am I out of my mind? I accused a guy with weird name to be someone more than human? What made me do this? I seriously need to attend psychology therapy. How am I even gonna look into his eyes after that? 

*** 

I've decided to stop with this nonsense. I better off studying for future exams than trying to get along with person I've lied to.   
The last lesson for today is Biology. Can't say that I enjoy doing endless presentations in pairs, but our teacher is cool. 

—For the next Tuesday you'll need to do a project. It's been a while and I know you missed working together for a good grade. 

Everybody sighs and prays for their best friend being their pair. My friends were gone instantly and I've started wondering, with who I'll need to deal next. 

—And finally, Nuriel Benson with Jerry Cobb. 

I didn't believe my ears. I must be hearing stuff. 

—You work on heart. Everybody understood? Start now. 

I watched everybody taking chairs and sitting themselves near one another. My life do be playing jokes on me.   
I looked at Nuriel who seemed like he wasn't going to move. I took my books, my chair and got closer.   
He didn't say anything, just continued to read. 

—So, uh, I'm sorry to interrupt your reading, but we need to work together. What do you think about dividing context? 

Nuriel finally raises his head. Awkward silence again. He has no reason to ignore me like that, besides that stupid situation with stalking. And for that I already apologized approximately three times. 

—Look, I'm sorry for what happened the other week, that will never repeat again, so can we just do this presentation quickly? 

—What did happen the other week? 

Wow. I don't even know what to say. 

—You know, my confession and stuff... 

—Ah, don't worry about that. I already forgot. 

—Did you? 

This intonation made me concerned. It's like... He doesn't remember it at all. I need to make sure. 

—You told me that you will give it a thought tho. 

—Really? I'm sorry, —Nuriel tilts his head down, —I gave you false hopes. I don't think I'm into boys. 

—Alright. 

So he has _completely_ no memory. But it doesn't seem like an amnesia. I thought that I'm not stalking him ever again. Well, I thought.   
We discussed what we will need to do and decided to stay at school tomorrow to finish it off. 

***

—Hey, where are you going? —running and losing my supplies because of the open backpack, I stop Nuriel at the very school entrance. 

—What's up? I'm in a hurry. 

—We planned to study for presentation today, did you forget? 

Nuriel thinks for few seconds and starts to apologize. We sit at the table, while he nervously scratches cuticles on his nails.   
I notice few red crosses on the backside of his palm. 

—What's this for? —I touch them with my finger. 

—I tend to forget some important things and tried to put crosses as marks for what I need to remember. 

—How long it's been like that? 

—After one event, that changed my life. 

That explains his behavior, rather off habits and memory losses. Maybe he's an ordinary person with trauma after an accident.

—Is it too personal to ask?.. 

—Yes.


	2. Chapter 2

We finished the project quite successfully. When it was time to present it in front of everyone, Nuriel didn't forget a thing.  
His grades were impressive as well. Not a single B. How can a person with constant memory problems be so good in all subjects?  
Wait, did I say all subjects? I meant everything beside PE. For some reason, Nuriel couldn't easily do exercises all the other boys did. He always had that expression of pain on his face. Like something hurt so bad, that sometimes poor guy ran away to throw up.  
On Friday PE was the first lesson and skipping that all the time was not possible. And today he came. 

—Are you okay? —I slow down the running to be even with Nuriel. 

—Despite the fact I hate physical activity and I'm about to die everything is awesome. 

—I see. Shoot, the teacher is coming. 

—Who do we have here? A weak little boy Benson, who can't even run properly!!! —old grumpy man appears in front of us. —What's wrong with you, sweetheart? If you give me a proper excuse, I might not call your parents.

Nuriel doesn't say a word. Sweat drips down his temples as he tries to come up with something. 

—He got into an accident not so long ago, —I almost shout. 

Stunned guy and teacher synchronously look at me, as I wryly smile.  
Old man clutters and goes away, starting to argue with some students who were resting. 

—Thank you.

—For what? It's the truth, am I right? 

Nuriel smiles, shaking his head. Enlivened look on his face makes me feel good as well. I don't know what this feeling is, but as long as everyone is fine, I'm fine too.  
We continue to run, in order to catch up with our classmates, but I notice oddity again.  
Nuriel's eyelids cover his eyes, but he shakes it off, trying to stay stable. He loses speed and bends, leaning on his knees with his hands.  
The next moment Benson falls on the ground, scaring the heck out of me. I easily lift his surprisingly light body and report to the teacher, carrying him to the infirmary.  
As always, there's no one there so I put Nuriel on the bed. My hands feel kinda wet and I quickly throw a look on them.  
_Blood._ My hands are all covered in blood.  
I check the guy's body and instantly find the source. Two stains are located on the approximate place of shoulder blades.  
I rolled up his shirt on the back and literally became speechless. 

Slowly walking off, I lock the door, swallowing a lump, which gets stuck in my throat. 

—W-who are you? 

Nuriel pants, trying to find something in his pockets. 

—Tablets… I forgot to take my pills... —he takes out a small pack of unnamed medicine, but doesn't manage to open it. It falls down, scattering all around. —Help me... 

I rush to the floor, grabbing few pills and shoving them into his mouth. He swallows them, coughing.  
I take the plastic cup from the nurses table, fill it with water from the sink and give it to the guy.  
Suddenly two enormous wounds on Benson's scapulas move. Torn skin comes together, closing the open flesh. 

—What the fuck... 

—Shit... —exclaims Nuriel. 

I don't even know, what amazed me the most. The miraculous healing or this guy's swearing.  
He sits on the bed, not looking like telling me anything. 

—Are you gonna explain all of this or what? 

—You won't believe it anyways. 

—Huh? —I jump off the floor. —So you want to get away with this? There's _no fucking way_ I'm gonna stay silent about your two large wounds just getting healed in few seconds! I knew from the very beginning there was something going on with you!! I knew it! —my gesticulation reminded of a clown doing tricks. 

Well, now I won't deny that I am a clown. 

—I'm an ang— 

—And if you're going to say that you are an angel, I swear, I am going to snap. 

—If you don't believe me then fuck off! 

Nuriel stands up and, as he steps, stumbles, falling right into my arms. And only now I see, that this guy has not only blue eyes, but literal _skies_ instead of eyes. 

—An angel? No kidding? 

He sighs. 

—Fallen angel. 

—Like for real? 

—Yes. 

—Seriously? 

—Fuck off! 

—Okay! I'm sorry! 

I help Nuriel sit back on the bed. Now as I look at him, knowing the truth, I'm proud of my intuition. But what am I going to do with a mystical creature resting right in front of me?  
I don't even know how to perceive the world around me. What if all fantasy films and books appeared to be real? I hate myself for not liking fantasy, because some kind of a weeb would know a definition of fallen angel and helped Nuriel climb back to heaven. 

—Did you fall from the skies because of the swearing, by the way? 

—Oh my God... —Benson slaps himself in the face. —Stop making fun of me! 

—I'm not. 

—First of all, I didn't fall literally and for sure not because of swearing. 

—Why then? 

Somebody knocks on the door. We quickly gather all pills together. I look at the bloody Nuriel's T-shirt and panicky make him take it off. I undress and put mine on him, crumbling the evidence in hands, when suddenly the door opens with a loud bang. 

How would you react, if you saw two guys all alone in one room, just dressing up as you walk in? 

—Okay... —the nurse tries to be professional. —That's really great that you accept yourselves, but I wouldn't recommend doing that in school... 

—Uh, ma'am, we're sorry! All of this is a misunderstanding! —I help Nuriel with walking. —Sorry again! 

—What are we going to do? —asks Benson, watching the floor in order not to draw attention. 

—Let's skip today. 

***  
We got out of school rather easily and went to my place. We didn't even discuss that. The weather was hot. The school year was coming to an end and I daydreamed about how would it be different if I didn't know Nuriel. I'd have no motivation to study, looking at the clock in the classroom all the time, begging it to be a little bit faster. I'd come home and play video games, letting go the stress of the upcoming exams. I'd probably hang out with my friends, driving the bicycle all around our small town, flirting with girls and buying energy drinks every day.  
It was supposed to be an ordinary spring-summer days, with basic troubles of a high-schooler. But now I need to deal with a _real angel._ Can I consider fallen angels as real angels? Anyways, I can't just let him wander around with pain in his back, facing weekdays on his own, trying to not getting found out by some not nice people. If there was someone else instead of me, I don't want to imagine what would happen. That person could tell the police, police would tell those crazy scientists, and Nuriel would be a part of experiments and... Gosh, I need to stop. Everything is like it's supposed to be. 

—There's no one in my house so it's fine, —I scroll the key in the keyhole and when the door opens, I understand that we stepped in another akward situation. 

My older sister, who was supposed to be gone by now, stood at the entrance with a pan in her hand, holding a toothbrush in her mouth. 

—Jerry? What are you doing here? 

—Ooh... I'm skipping school, you know. Aren't you supposed to be in collage already? 

—No? I still have time. And who is this guy? 

—My classmate, —the silence rose again and I needed to get away. —Rosie, move, please. 

—Not until you tell me his name. 

—There's a pimple on your nose, —suddenly declares Nuriel. 

—What?! Where?!

She runs to the mirror and we enter the house. Finally, we're in my room. I slide down to the floor, while Benson makes himself comfortable on my bed.  
It feels like all energy was sucked out of me. Everything that I've discovered today doesn't fit with my perception of the world. 

—Hey. 

I look at the guest and my heart skips a beat. From this angle he looks _so_ beautiful. Gentle glow surrounds Nuriel, which I see for the first time. It's probably because of the bad lighting. 

—I'm sorry that you know about me now. It must be harsh living whole life in a lie and suddenly finding out the truth. You don't need to help me, so it would be okay if you forgot everything and lived a normal life. 

I truly don't get why he's trying to get rid of me. 

—Stop acting like a good boy. You were kicked out of heaven in the end of the day, which means you're not that saint. I'm your friend and I'm ready to help you go back. Just tell me everything what happened. 

Nuriel obviously feels down. He stares at one point on the floor, with the corners of his mouth facing down. 

—Nobody tells us why we are being thrown out. It just happens. 

—And what do you need to do to be back? 

—Atone sins. 

I sit near Nuriel and place my hand over his. He looks at me with infinite saddens in his eyes, which made them turn dark blue. Like the ocean before the storm.

—It's gonna be fine. We will figure the way out. 

He sorrowfully smiles for just a second, but even this moment was enough for me to understand — I'm _not_ giving up on him. Am I catching feelings? Maybe. Do I care? Not really.  
I can't bare this mournful expression on his face, so I rummage through my mind to find anything that may help.  
_A kiss._  
A kiss would would make him feel better. But... We're not even lovers. And he turned me down two times in a row with no doubts.  
I get really close to see his reaction. If he doesn't push me away, then I might give it a try. A few centimeters stop our lips from touching but I wait. Just wait a couple of seconds. Just a bit more. 

—Jerr, have you seen my keys? —my sister breaks in, opening the door without permission or warning. She becomes a witness of a very interesting scene. —Wow, Jerry, I didn't know you were gay. 

—Rosie! —I almost fall off the bed, dashing to the door to close it. —Knock before you come in!!! 

—Don't worry, I'm totally cool with your sexuality, —she screams behind the door. —Just make sure to use protection! 

—Shut up! Go away!!! 

Didn't think I would experience this kind of embarrassment ever. I could feel my face burning and didn't dare to look at Nuriel. 

—So you're gay? 

I turn my head and endow Benson with a look full of contempt. 

—Remind me, why do you have memory problems?

—That happens with fallen angels, so I don't remeber how life in heavens was really like. For motivation, if I can say so. 

—Awesome. Now please forget what just happened. And I'm not gay.


	3. Chapter 3

We agreed on taking a break from all of this and before I even noticed, Nuriel fell asleep on my bed.  
As I said, I didn't want to get back to stalking... But a sleeping angel is something that I can't miss.  
It's such a peaceful moment, when it seems like nothing matters. His breath is so smooth and calm, that sometimes I start to worry if he's still alive.  
I wonder if you can kill an angel. Right now he's a defenseless creature, so easy to manipulate and do whatever you want. At least it's the impression you get. But will the nature defend it's child? Will the God or some other angel come and safe him?  
I decided to touch Nuriel's hair. And oh Jesus Lord, send "thank you" to your father for creating such a soft hair for angels.  
It's extremely silky and sleek, I don't know if I've ever felt something like that.  
Okay, okay, I am a creep and about to touch an innocent sleeping guy's skin. But just in the name of science! I'm the only person to get that close to a human (or not?) with wings and halo, after all. At least he was supposed to have them. If it's that soft as his hair, I swear...  
Jesus Lord, send double "thanks." 

*** 

Nuriel woke up in two hours. I spent this time doing homework and having lunch. Also protecting my angel, of course. I've prepared some sandwiches with ham for him. 

—Eating meat is not a sin, right? 

Benson rolls his eyes and snatches the plate from my hands. Well, when hunger takes control, even angels aren't so elegant anymore. 

—We need to find out, what did you do so wrong to be sent here. 

—I acted as exemplary as I could, —says Nuriel after devouring the first piece of the meal. 

—You acted or actually were an exemplary guy?

He doesn't answer. 

—Hey, you need to be honest with me. 

The doorbell rang unexpectedly. Ugh, my sister is so annoying. What did she forget this time? I go downstairs, expecting to see a familiar face, but when I open the door, a very tall and slim person appears in front of me. He's wearing a black cloak and, for some reason, I thought it's a member of a sect and he's about to propose me to join. 

—I think my little brother is here. May I talk to him? 

They didn't look alike at all. This man had dark brown hair and same dark eyes and big Aquiline nose. Also with this sharp jawbone you could slice someone in half, I swear.  
Nuriel turned up behind me and when stranger saw him, he put his hand on my shoulder and with enormous strength pushed my body away. He was about to grab Benson, but the froward angel started to run. And how in the world he found out his location? 

—Nuriel, I think there's a serious conversation waiting for us. 

A man smiles to me. 

—Those highschoolers always get in troubles. 

—He knows everything, Adonai, —exclaims Nuriel and stranger stops. 

Suddenly the so-called Adonai headed to me, looking absolutely pissed off. I didn't find any power to move. A golden circle appeared above man's head. 

—Wait, what are you doing?! —Nuriel jumps in front of me, stretching his hands like a shield. 

—About to erase his memories. Or what do you offer? 

—I won't let you.

I truly don't understand a thing. Is Nuriel protecting me? 

—You can make friends, but they can't know the truth about who you are. You were told that. 

—He helped me when I forgot to take pills. And he won't tell anyone else. 

—You forgot to take your pills?! —Adonai plucks at Nuriel's ear. —Do you know what are you joking around with? If you grow black wings, there's no chance of you going back to heaven!!! 

Two angels arguing is not what life prepared me for. 

—Do you think I'm dumb? Everything is fine! 

—I don't think you're dumb, I know you are. Let's go, we need to talk tete-a-tete. 

—Fuck off! —suddenly screams Benson, but older guy doesn't succumb. The moment they leave is the moment they dissapear. 

I stay dazed on the sofa, rewinding what just happened.  
Intruder was aware of everything, which means he's also a mystical creature. Another fallen angel? But how can he have a halo? What if that's some kind of a guardian for fallen brothers or sisters? That somehow makes sense. But what about their dialogue? If you get kicked out of heaven, you can grow black wings and then you're done? What would happen next? Are black winged angels considered to be demons? Gosh, there're so many questions.  
I go back to my room.  
And how can pills prevent you from becoming a demon?  
Wait a second. Pills. They are literally standing on my desk. Nuriel must have left them. No doubts that he has memory losses. Wait, wait, wait. How often does he need to take them?  
Oh my God. What do I do? I don't even know where he lives! Should I just wait? He'll come back if he really needs them tho. But what if this guardian won't let him? 

My panic rises with every minute as I watch those tablets. I have no clue what to do. What if it's too late? I've walked already thirty circles around my room and still haven't found a way out. 

—I'm ho~ome! —a delightful voice comes from the first floor. Light stomping becomes closer and closer. —Jerry, you here? 

—I'm busy. 

—Do you want to go to MacDonald's? My monthly scholarship came today. 

If it was any other day of my life I'd totally agree. But at the moment I can only think about Nuriel. Didn't think I'd ever lose my mind over a guy. 

—Jerr? Are you alright? 

—Not really. 

She comes in. 

—What's the matter? You can trust me, remember? 

—Yeah, uh, I'm just... It's about Nuriel. 

Her puzzled expression reminds me, that I didn't tell her the name of the recent guest. 

—I mean Benson. It's the guy who came over today. 

—Oh, your boyfriend? 

—No! He rejected me. 

Rosie makes a sad emoji face and changes the tone of her voice. 

—You poor little thing! I always say that men are trash, —I look at her with some misunderstanding. —Not you, of course, but anyways. That's only one more reason more to go to Makkie and eat a stress-relieving burger. 

—That's not what I'm worried about. He forgot his medicine and if he doesn't take them, something bad may happen. But I don't have his number, neither know where he lives. 

She thinks for few seconds and slaps on my back. 

—He's your classmate, right? So the head teacher of your class knows. I'm gonna give him a call and ask. 

I feel like I've been blessed with such an intelligent sister. 

***

She gave me an adress and I almost flew. I ran as quickly as I could. Maybe my second breath opend, as I didn't stop for a single moment, but I don't remember anymore.  
I just found myself banging on the door of a house, squeezing the little bottle of pills in my hand.  
For my big surprise Nuriel shows up in front of me. 

—Nuriel! You forgot your tablets! Are you okay?! 

Benson was completely stunned. 

—How do you know where I live? 

—That doesn't matter! Take it, —I put the medicine inno his hand. —You need it, right? 

Nuriel looks at me from up to down, noticing the dirt on the end of my pans, the sweat running down my face and my hair tangled up all together. 

—You did not run from your place all up here to bring me this.

—I, uh... 

—Oh my God... —he starts to laugh, stepping out of the threshold and closing the door behind. —Did you think this is the only pack I've got? 

—Don't laugh at me now, —I finally come to understand how much of an idiot I am. —I thought you were going to become a demon or something. 

—Why? 

—What why? 

—Why do you care? —he chuckles. 

I turn around to see if anyone is watching or I need to win some time. If I'm not gonna do _that_ now, there's no other way of proving him that I'm serious. 

—I think I already told you. 

Love makes you do unbelievable things, huh. I put my hands on Nuriel's shoulders and lean forward. Our lips touch and I instantly feel like I'm about to faint. I've never felt so lightheaded. I bet it's different to be in a relationship with a simple human being. Not that I know, but still. 

And, as always, there's gotta be something freaking embarrassed.  
The moment I open my eyes after a kiss I see Adonai standing just beside Nuriel. I think I'm becoming a grasshopper by jumping so many times all of the sudden. 

—I'm not letting him go after that, —he makes his halo visible again and comes close. 

—Stop that, Adonai!! —Nuriel pushes the angel away, standing in a defensive pose. 

—I'm only following my orders. 

—Harming innocent humans wasn't any of your orders. 

—All I do is protecting my brother. 

Am I the threat?  
Adonai ignores all talks and approaches me, almost kicking Nuriel out of the way.  
Again this freezing feeling. I lose control over my body, not being able to move a finger. This person's gaze makes nerves in my body stop and completely give in. I don't have enough time to feel the fear, when Benson tries to knock down Adonai, who is twice as big, just to give me a chance to escape. 

—Run! —he screams and right away I feel free again. 

And I take a flight. Well, not literal, of course. When I stop rather far from Nuriel's residence to catch my breath, I feel a shot of guilt.  
I left him with that crazy powerful guy, who was about to kill me or something. But I can't go back. Maybe I'm just a coward, but there's always a difference between bravery and stupidity.  
Adonai won't injure Nuriel, after all. Did he say his order was to protect fallen angels? His understanding of that is kinda weird to be honest.


	4. Chapter 4

It's been a tough night for me. I wasn't able to fall asleep. It felt like my organs and bones were turning all around, my mind was filled with different assumptions. Why would Nuriel be kicked out of the heaven? He doesn't look and act like a person who would kill anyone. So I googled other sins that are there and only one felt like the right one.  
Wrath.  
Sometimes you can see how it overflows him. The way his eyes light up, sparkling with anger, his fists clenching till the knuckles go white but he keeps holding it, till the moment of true rage comes.  
My stalking actually didn't go in vain, huh. At least now I know the problem. The question is, how are we gonna solve it? How do you learn to cope with aggression and atone it?  
I decided to take some dormitives to get few hours of sleep. 

*** 

I was waiting for Nuriel at the school entrance, nervously stomping on the ground with one foot. What if he got mad at me for that kiss? Gosh, I need to stop overthinking.  
I see him creeping like a snail, with his backpack in a hand. I run towards him but he doesn't look too happy. 

—Good morning, —I literally stopped myself from saying "baby" at the end. My heart fluttered as I was twelve and fell in love for the first time. 

—I fucking hate school, —is what Benson says. —And especially this bag, it's so heavy! My back hurts. 

—I can carry it for you, —I blurt out unconsciously and grab his backpack. And it is truly heavy. —I don't mind. 

Nuriel is stunned by such behavior of mine. I feel you, I am shocked by myself too. 

—So you are indeed in love with me? 

I glance at him and sigh. 

—I didn't forget, I just wasn't sure. 

* 

In class we were kinda close. Discussed exams, teachers, homework and even spent lunch together. I've never thought that boring school life can be so not boring. And something peculiar actually happened.  
I never got bullied, but today some random guys from parallel class pestered me and Nuriel in a hall, trying to take away my money.  
What made them think I have cash in the first place? And since when do rich people always have blonde hair and blue eyes? 

—Guys, fuck off! —spits out Benson, who got tired of their nonsense from the very first sentence. 

Bullies didn't expect such a "brave" reaction from a rather fragile-looking boy. 

—What did you say, you petty bastard? —one of the guys tackle Nuriel by his shirt, bringing closer. 

I try to pull them apart, but this guy seems to have metal grip. 

—You can't even communicate properly, piece of garbage. 

—Oh oh, I wouldn't recommend you getting into trouble. 

—Can we stop? —I hold onto Nuriel tight, in case they want to drag him somewhere and beat up. —I'm going to give you money, but let him go. 

—No, you're not giving away anything! —screams Benson, still angrily watching opponents. 

—Should we teach him a lesson? —guys whisper to one another and I worryingly look around in hope to find a teacher. 

—Yeah, let's go. I'm not scared of such trash bags, who can only talk shit, —Nuriel only provokes wicked bullies. —Let's see who will suffer more. 

A girl passes near me and I quietly ask her to call any teacher as fast as possible. 

—Please, leave us alone! —I try to win some time. —Nobody wants to get in trouble, right? 

Guys start to laugh and as they get distracted, I pull Nuriel behind me. He tries to push me, but I look him in the eyes and try to convince to cut that out. 

—Listen to me, —Benson's head is facing the ground and I can hear his breath being a mess. —Focus on my voice. Your sin is wrath and you need to learn to control it. Look at me, —I tilt his head and notice the black specks of color in his eyes. Now I'm one hundred percent sure that my assumptions were right. —Just look at me. 

Suddenly someone's hand makes me turn back. 

—Wow, are you two gays? Now I have only more reasons to beat you. 

—What's going on here? —the teacher finally appears and bullies start to back up. 

—They assaulted us, —I tell him everything and he promises to report them. 

We leave quite successfully, but Nuriel doesn't seem to become calmer. It's almost time for the next lesson, but in this state the perfect Nuriel's impression can crash in a single second, so I persuaded Benson to go to bathroom with me. 

—What the heck are we gonna do in here? —irritability flowed through his voice. 

—You need to fight your anger. 

—How?! I fucking hate those people! 

—Try to understand, that they are just people. Yes, bad people, but not everyone follows the way of God, especially nowadays. You must be cleverer. You're an angel and suppose to have faith in those, who still stay humane. 

I'm not the best in supporting people, not speaking about angels, but I think those words made Nuriel sink into a reverie.  
As there's no one here, I touch his chin and lift his face. Those black things are almost gone, so to completely get rid of them I do something, that I've already done. We kiss like first-graders, awkwardly and carefully, like our life depend on this simple move. 

—If you kiss me, then do it right. 

—Uh, sorry? —I must have heard something wrong.

But Nuriel wanted more. He stands on his toes and leans to my lips again, but this time, forcing his way in. 

I take the initiative and press Benson against the wall, almost losing control. There was like one cell in my brain, still screaming that what we do is _wrong_.  
I move away and see the gentle blush on Nuriel's cheeks. How I wish we would continue... 

—We can't do this in school, —I say with slight disappointment. —But at least you calmed down. 

—Can I come to your place after school? 

Wow. I never thought of my first serious crush being more than one sided love. 

—Uh, yeah, sure. 

—Then can we have sex?

Suddenly someone clears the throat in one of the cabins. I take Nuriel and **run.** Did I say that we tend to get into embarrassing situations? This one is the worst ever. 

*** 

When lessons were over, I started to panic. I wasn't sure if my sister were out and if we actually ARE GOING to do _that_ , how am I supposed to buy contraceptives. I still can't believe that Nuriel is the one who suggested. He's so cool with such things. His mind is probably so innocent and he doesn't know about all those stereotypes and homophobia. 

—Why are you sweating so much? —asks Benson, while we leave school. 

—Oh, it's nothing. I, uh, if we're going to do _that,_ then we need to stop at pharmacy... 

—Okay. 

That was not what I wanted to hear. But sooner or later this moment would come, so I can't fail and just burn in embarrassment. Well, I better just buy condoms and then burn. Hopefully not in hell. 

***  
I've never feared a simple shop with medicine that much in my life.  
When we stepped inside I felt like a hero, who made a big achievement. I decided to walk around the shop a little, to mentally prepare myself. I probably need to take my money out. 

—What are you doing? —Nuriel whispers to me. 

—Uh... I can't just go... And buy it... 

Fallen angel snatches few banknotes from my hand and comes right to the cashier. 

—A pack of condoms, please. 

I close my eyes and scratched the back of my head, thanking and swearing at the same time in my head. 

—You look very young. Are those for you? —cashier lady tried to be friendly, even though this question was rather unprofessional. I prayed just for Nuriel to ignore her or say something neutral. But his answer completely killed me. 

—No, they are for my boyfriend. 

I lost it. I swear to God, I'm not capable of taking it anymore. I could just imagine the expression the lady made, but I'd rather not to think about that.  
I leave the shop earlier and hold back my scream.  
Benson comes out, acting like nothing happened.  
Well, for him nothing. 

—Why are you so weird today? 

—You know, sometimes people think that being gay is wrong, so it's better if you don't tell everyone that. 

—But isn't it normal? 

—It is, but not all people are ready to accept us. 

Nuriel looked very perplexed. 

—So yeah, probably everybody thinks you're the weird one. 

—Ugh. 

We were already near my house, when I saw the car, parked just in front of it. And I knew very well to whom belongs this vehicle. 

—Crap, Nuriel, I think we will need to cancel today... 

—What? Why? 

—I think my parents are paying a visit. 

—Can I still come? —he begs and I can't refuse this pleading look. 

I try to open the door with my key, but it doesn't seem to come all the way through. So I pressed the doorbell.  
I was hoping for Rosie to open the door, but life really wants to play on my nerves. 

—Hello, dad, —I smile just a little bit, but you can tell right away, that is an unpleasant experience. 

—Good day, —anwsers one of my parents, inspecting Benson from head to toe. 

—Nice to meet you, sir, —fallen angel shakes hands with my father. —I'm Nuriel. 

Everybody gets puzzled by his name and my dad is no exception. 

—Just Benson, —I take Nuriel by the hand and make our way in. 

I observe my mom, discussing something very important with my sister, who doesn't seem too happy about it. 

—Oh, Jerr! 

—My beloved son, Jerry... Hopw have you been? —she comes to me and gives Nuriel the same look as dad did. 

—Fine, everything is awesome. Uh, this is my friend, Benson, —I introduce them to one another. 

—That's really nice. I remember you having troubles with communicating when you were younger. 

—Mom, that was in the first grade... 

Nuriel holds back laughter and looks away. 

Rosie starts speaking and calls us all to the dinner table. She seemed to prepare some food. The question is, if she knew our parents were coming, why didn't she tell me?  
Now this is pretty awkward.  
Our parents are always very busy with the family business, so they basically live on their workplaces. Me and my sister live almost alone in a small house with two floors, constantly being provided with money for everything we need. So dinners like such are always rather raw, because we have nothing to talk about. Mom and dad never really cared about our mental health or something like this. They got lucky, that neither me, nor Rosie started doing drugs and partying all the time with such freedom. 

—So what about your personal life, Rosie? Do you have a boyfriend? 

—Not really. I need to focus on studying more now. 

—What about you, Jerry? —dad asks me and puts utensils away. 

I try to not to look at Nuriel, but give him a sign, that he needs to stay silent. 

—Yeah, dad? 

—Do you have a girlfriend or a girl you like? 

And as I open my mouth to say "No", Benson makes a move. 

—Maybe he has a boyfriend, —says Nuriel carelessly. He pricks cucumber with a fork and puts it in his mouth, looking around after everybody went too quiet. —What? I said maybe. You don't seem like paying much attention to your children anyways. 

I kick his foot under the table, kniting brows. 

—He's right, —suddenly exclaims my mother. —We've took a passive position in raising our children. Jerry, do you have a person you like, despite the gender? 

—I, uh... —didn't think today was the day for me to come out. —Maybe... 

—I do. 

Everyone looks at Rosie. 

—I have a girlfriend. Is that fine? 

I've never thought that my parents will be so shocked. They always are stingy on emotions. 

—But did you try going out with a man? —asks my father, which is a usual answer on when your child come out to you. 

—Pa, I don't need to date a guy to know if I'm a lesbian or not. Did you ever date a guy? 

—No, of course not, —he brushes it off. 

—Why? Maybe you're secretly gay? 

Legend. An absolute legend. I admire my sister so much.  
Me and Nuriel finished eating, so I expected us to go to my room. But he surprised me with a disappointed face and told that he will leave.  
I tried to get the answer as to why, but he just left.


End file.
